Happy Anniversary, Part II - From Death, The Birth of Purpose

I had spent most of my life not wanting to live because of the trauma I had experienced as a child. In 2010 events transpired which sent me into a downward spiral. I found myself in a place where I would either sink or find the will to swim. I chose to fight for my life.

Since 2010, I can count at least 12 people that I can recall who had taken their own lives and I was having a hard time wrapping my mind around why I was able to beat the disease when so many I knew lost their battle. It didn't seem fair and I was having such a hard time with it that I thought it might be time to seek out a therapist to help me process through it all.

"Renee, you are Reiki certified. You can work on yourself", the voices in my head said.

So I did. I rooted out the Reiki certificate and manual and gave myself a refresher on what Reiki was all about. Everything was sort of jibberish to me. I understood the basic concept that because I was certified, I was able to channel a healing energy to not only other people, places, and things but I could flow it to myself.

So not knowing what the F I was doing, I laid down on the fluffy white carpet in my office and laid my hands on my body and just visualized a white light entering the top of my head and flowing through to my arms and through my hands to the rest of my body. 

I really had no idea what I was doing. My thoughts just guided me the entire way. I had put some music on. Burned some sage and probably laid some crystals on top or around me. 

45 minutes later I opened up my eyes, sat up and looked around and was like "OK. What now?" 

I felt relaxed and a little tired but it's not like I had some groundbreaking experience while I was working on myself. So I just got up and went back to whatever was next on my 'to do' list for the day.

I never cried again. Well at least about these specific struggles. The depression and anxiety stopped. I discontinued the cyclical mindset of asking 'why?' and wondering if the battle I had won in the war against myself so many years ago would reappear and maybe in the next fight, I'd lose.

I felt like myself again. 

I had never had a significant A-HA moment when receiving Reiki from a practitioner. It was only when I listened to myself and trusted me to do the work on myself that the light bulb went on. Not saying the other practitioners didn't know what they were doing but I wasn't ready or in a place to receive the way I had when I worked on myself. 

So after that I would flow Reiki energy to myself any time I had a headache, stomach ache, hangover, sleepless night, etc. It helped 90% of the time and I was so in awe that I called up my teacher and told her I wanted to become a practitioner. At the time, she told me that there were some blocks that might prevent me from working on people in person. I broke down and cried and she reassured me that I was a smart business person and I would figure it out.

And I did.

I didn't just figure it out, I took the most difficult route by starting a distance healing practice from my home. Distance Reiki is when you flow energy from afar and not in person. I asked a handful of friends if I could work on them; use them as test subjects to develop my skill and process. It was the scariest route I could have gone on as a first time practitioner coming straight out of the gates.

In a matter of a year and a half, I went from a distance practice to having an office, to opening up a spiritual shop to opening an functional intuitive wellness center. And I did it all during a pandemic. I am here four years later celebrating the journey that started out with struggle, pain, and a lot of confusion. The journey since I listened and took the leap has been a windy but fulfilling one. 

I LOVE WHAT I DO. No matter how crazy people think I am. No matter how crazy I think I am sometimes. LOL. I know what I believe in is real and taught the right way, can be life changing for others as well.

Through all of the craziness, I found purpose. I have made connections in life I never would have if I had not chosen this path. Those connections have healed and humbled me in so many ways. I truly believe we are all made up of the same stardust. We are all interconnected.

Four years ago, I was called to make a change. I transmuted grief into purpose, followed the ethereal breadcrumbs, trusted myself and trusted in something bigger than me and took action upon it.

I've been living that equation ever since, creating magic which I am truly grateful for. On this anniversary I celebrate and honor those who inspired me to do so.

In loving memory of:

Charles Bionda 1991, Andy Smith 2010, Candice Miller 2018, Peter O'Rourke 2020 

1 comment

  • Thank you for this post. The timing could not have been better. I too am in a place of grief and uncertainty, but I also recognize there is potential that I need to discover.

    Looking forward to our session later this month.

    Janille Fagundo

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